i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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