Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
