So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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