Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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