I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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