4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We have started to decorate penises.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
