I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
