shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
honey bunches of taint.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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