I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
