I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
