I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
