i was born a porn star she said
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
