the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
