I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
