i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
