I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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