And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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