she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Randomize
