If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
