she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
