Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
