It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
