Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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