Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
