shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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