Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
