I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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