What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
