i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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