How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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