Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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