lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
