Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
