Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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