meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
