mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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