apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
