How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
