This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
