So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
