Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
