he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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