I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
