if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.