Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.

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(651): I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol. http://tfl.nu/cmai

Replies (21) Good night (3717) Bad night (764)
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(512): View more from Texas

There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.

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(512): There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW. http://tfl.nu/izzq

Replies (22) Good night (6769) Bad night (2035)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.

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(828): last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew. http://tfl.nu/yza6

Replies (17) Good night (5769) Bad night (1180)
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(440): View more from Ohio

vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?

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(440): vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night? http://tfl.nu/3xi4

Replies (10) Good night (1059) Bad night (2789)
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(912): View more from Georgia

you dipped you banana in queso last night.

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(912): you dipped you banana in queso last night. http://tfl.nu/375m

Replies (7) Good night (910) Bad night (1705)
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(816): View more from Missouri

It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.

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(816): It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out. http://tfl.nu/oebq

Replies (3) Good night (2666) Bad night (1246)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.

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(717): It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards. http://tfl.nu/wgpg

Replies (2) Good night (1845) Bad night (692)
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(970): View more from Colorado

You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.

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(970): You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan. http://tfl.nu/do61

Replies (14) Good night (2057) Bad night (618)
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(503): View more from Oregon

We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.

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(503): We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty. http://tfl.nu/32wc

Replies (9) Good night (808) Bad night (1546)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Why am I always the sober one?

(641): View more from Iowa

Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...

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(515): Why am I always the sober one? (641): Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power... http://tfl.nu/bz1n

Replies (4) Good night (1828) Bad night (681)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success

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(317): Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success http://tfl.nu/u4l1

Replies (3) Good night (769) Bad night (349)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...

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(920): So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works... http://tfl.nu/tg33

Replies (5) Good night (551) Bad night (404)
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(722): View more from

It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush

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(722): It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush http://tfl.nu/4mo5

Replies (4) Good night (435) Bad night (921)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.

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(612): I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen. http://tfl.nu/6isz

Replies (2) Good night (454) Bad night (570)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.

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(570): well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore. http://tfl.nu/w1gn

Replies (3) Good night (636) Bad night (308)

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