super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator