oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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