fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.