My nipple is on Facebook.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE