i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"