Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I thought that was really considerate

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  (586): I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating' (586): I thought that was really considerate http://tfl.nu/g1h7
  Replies (3) Good night (2294) Bad night (578)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets

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  (502): sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets http://tfl.nu/cbq3
  Replies (6) Good night (2479) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.

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  (813): I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this. http://tfl.nu/6tpg
  Replies (32) Good night (571) Bad night (3082) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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  (561): So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell? http://tfl.nu/0nz8
  Replies (44) Good night (7384) Bad night (1006)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours

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  (414): I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours http://tfl.nu/ud9t
  Replies (27) Good night (6121) Bad night (1584) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee

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  (225): Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee http://tfl.nu/zf15
  Replies (29) Good night (5745) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

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  (519): So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok. http://tfl.nu/j1n1
  Replies (7) Good night (5107) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".

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  (801): He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied". http://tfl.nu/4up3
  Replies (12) Good night (1923) Bad night (3739) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  how else could I explain the last few years

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  (703): I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills (262): how else could I explain the last few years http://tfl.nu/wfh1
  Replies (7) Good night (3851) Bad night (868)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.

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  (317): Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will. http://tfl.nu/znpi
  Replies (10) Good night (2307) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I think I have vodka in my lungs

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  (206): I think I have vodka in my lungs http://tfl.nu/shpx
  Replies (4) Good night (1818) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.

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  (250): You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye. http://tfl.nu/8nzh
  Replies (4) Good night (598) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.

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  (812): She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila. http://tfl.nu/arvl
  Replies (5) Good night (2288) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever

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  (217): my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever http://tfl.nu/bp5q
  Replies (2) Good night (1183) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.

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  (989): I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon. http://tfl.nu/2nq9
  Replies (13) Good night (1253) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt

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