it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
