I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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