If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
