proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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