i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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