My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize