just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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