She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize