do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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