Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
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alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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