I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
