don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
