god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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