Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
