We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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